I know I am a miserable old git. I am not so much a glass-half-empty as ‘what glass?’ But it is because I have been trained to be precise and accurate. When I started writing about gardening I was always given the step-by-step ‘practical’ features every week, whether it was taking cuttings or building a bird box or cold frame. It meant I had to quadruple-check all my steps and measurements so anyone could follow them. No assumptions. We all hate inaccurate recipes! Of course I made errors from time to time, but not often or it would not have fallen on me to do them every week! Of course I wanted to write about lovely plants but I was always given the basics to deal with. One Editor even asked me what I liked writing about most and after saying that it was about gardens and plants he made sure that I always wrote about fertiliser and products from then on. But it instilled in me a need to be accurate.

That is not absolutely always the case on this blog which is written about what I want to write about, but I will never say anything that is plain technically wrong. If I am not sure then I will say so. And gardening advice that is wrong or over-simplified makes me mad. I mentioned primroses the other day and I don’t feel good about the fact that these will not survive garden conditions. Most people buy them and expect them to thrive and when they don’t do these people blame themselves? If they do then they may not buy them again thinking they are not capable of looking after them. Of course they will buy them again because they will forget that they died the year before and many people don’t want their plants to grow, they are just flowers with roots. That is fine as long as they are told what too expect. I was at a garden centre yesterday and there were tomato plants and courgette plants for sale. I will guarantee that all will be dead by April, especially as we are forecast snow today.

But I am rambling. The reason for my ire is some ‘products’ I saw for sale last week. Marketed as gifts for children, they are the best way to put anyone off gardening. At the top is a ceramic dog-shaped container that comes complete with ranunculus ‘plants’. Of course the container, without drainage holes, is totally unsuitable. These ranunculus are of doubtful hardiness and, being Mediterranean, grow throughout winter, in frost-free conditions, bloom in spring and then become dormant in summer. They are best planted in autumn. So if you buy this delightful gift and plant the tubers they may be completely dead by now. If they did grow, on the windowsill, they would be so scrawny through lack of light they would be a complete mess. You may get some blooms but they won’t last long and they will be on floppy, unsightly plants. A bit of a con.

Possibly worse, because they are aimed at children, who must succeed with their early gardening or they will never try again, are these metal ‘buckets’ with sunflowers, tomatoes or strawberries. The tomato seeds were unspecified and there is no way you could get a crop off a pot this size. The strawberries too were unspecified and strawberries are not easy to grow from seed anyway. And when would they crop? It is far better to buy a child a pot, compost and some strawberry plants. And the sunflowers? Oh dear. It is simply a way to part people from their money with no thought of the success rate. And putting a ladybird and snail on the front with a smiling sun makes it all OK because it suggests that these are going to help wildlife in some way.

I am not one to criticise biodiversity. I do my best to promote wildlife in my garden. But I am becoming a bit jaded. I think we all are. I am happy to pay extra carbon tax on fuel etc but it does sting a bit when our ‘friends’ across the pond are blowing up and burning oil tanks and goodness know what else – well we do know – children. But I must keep my criticisms to horticulture.

This nonsense pack of 15 ‘bulbs’ made me see red. ‘Respect Nature’ – er how? ‘Respect the earth’? By planting these? ‘Bee friendly flowers’. I have no idea what that means. I assume they mean bee-friendly. At least they did not say ‘bee friendly flower’s’. Of course dahlias can be great for pollinators but not double dahlias. Lilies also have little to offer bees and butterflies although hoverflies will be attracted to the pollen. But in the pink and fluffy world of marketing I guess they wouldn’t say ‘attracts flies’. Gladioli might attract bees but they are hardly classic bee plants. And as for the freesias.

Ii also had a slight problem with these seed potatoes. Bearing the ‘spud man’ logo you are paying a premium, with just six tubers for £2.99. I did a bit of research that took me to social media places that I will never forget but Spud Man has a hugely popular baked potato stall that attracts happy customers from all over the ‘influencer ‘ world. It is a place I know all too poorly but I am pleased he has a hugely successful business and he seems a very nice man. But he is famous for selling baked potatoes, and his hair and personality, and ‘Lady Christl’ is an early potato with, as the pack shows, small tubers that are not really much use for baking. There is nothing wrong with this and people buy products endorsed by celebrities all the time (though I tend to avoid them). I just doubt if he ever sells baked ‘Lady Christl’ spuds, whether covered in beans and cheese or not.

flowers for bees, seed potatoes, spud man